Season 1
22 episodes · Sep 20, 2004
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- S1E1
Pilot
Sep 20, 200430mTony tries to relate to his teenage daughter, who is embarrassed by his exuberance and out-of-date clothes.
- S1E2
Hammer Time
Sep 27, 200430mWhen Megan breaks her curfew, Tony's reprimand goes practically unnoticed so he decides to take advice from Bernie, who suggests using ""tough love"" with his daughter. However, when Tony grounds Megan, she fights back by ""terrorizing"" the family with her outrageous behavior. Meanwhile, Tony's show works on a new opening that he awkwardly struggles to get right.
- S1E3
Grandmaster of the Wolfhunt
Oct 4, 200430mBernie proves to be more popular than Tony when they are both asked to speak at Megan and Mickey's school assembly.
- S1E4
Cool Jerk
Oct 11, 200430mBernie's mechanic insists Tony borrow Dennis Rodman's Hummer when his car is in the shop. When Tony's car is ready he puts off giving Rodman his car back. Tony quickly learns it isn't a good idea to ""borrow"" an NBA player's car.
- S1E5
Quest For Fire
Oct 18, 200430mTony follows Bernie's advice and plans a romantic evening for his wife, but Dana doesn't respond to his overtures. Meanwhile, focus groups from Tony's talk show reveal that he's a hit with gay viewers, leading Tony to believe that Dana needs to see his manly side at home. While Tony tries to prove his maleness to his wife, Bernie becomes intent on stealing Tony's gay viewers.
- S1E6
Mickey Swallows a Bee
Oct 25, 200430mWhen Mickey swallows a bee during a golf competition and is taken to the hospital, he becomes enamored with the medical profession. Tony is ecstatic that his son is considering becoming a doctor until he learns that Mickey has another hospital job in mind.
- S1E7
The Gift of the Ton-i
Nov 8, 200430mWhen Tony tells his wife that his dad's birthday is coming up, she implies that he couldn't find him a good gift. Offended, Tony takes the challenge. He decides to make an appearance on his dad's favorite channel, the All Weather Network. But Tony discovers that the only way he can make a guest appearance on the network is if Mickey takes the executive producer's ugly daughter to a school dance. When Mickey takes one for the team, Tony tells Dana of his gift and they both believe that he has won. But an interesting turn of events proves otherwise.
- S1E8
Sweet Charity
Nov 15, 200430mWhen Megan's cell phone bill is too high, Tony encourages her to do charity work so she can learn to care for people other than herself. But when Tony discovers that the charity organizer, Buddy, is an ex-con using the donations for himself, he must figure out a way to break the news to Megan.
- S1E9
Thanksgiving
Nov 22, 200430mWhen Bernie and Tony secretly watch a football game on which they've placed a large bet in order to hide their gambling from Bernie's mother, she finds out and wonders what kind of influence Tony is having on her son. Meanwhile, Megan and Mickey are wrapped up in a Thanksgiving dilemma when they accidentally break the dining room table and try to cover it up.
- S1E10
Mickey Without A Cause
Nov 29, 200430mWhen Mickey loses interest in school and golf, Tony searches for the source of his son's malcontent. After learning that Megan and Mickey found an illegal substance in the pocket of an old pair of his pants from the 1970s, Tony worries that Mickey might be picking up some of his former bad habits. Tony is surprised, however, when he learns that Mickey's lack of motivation stems not from the past, but from his present interest in Megan's sports prowess.
- S1E11
Enemy at the Gates
Dec 13, 200430mTony encourages Megan to take an interest in Mickey's golf tournament, but is upset when she becomes enamored with Mickey's competitor. When Tony forbids Megan to see the boy, she defies his wishes and climbs out her bedroom window to meet him at a party. However, Megan learns the hard way that sometimes her dad is right.
- S1E12
Tony the Tiger
Jan 3, 200530mTony tries to overcome his life-long cowardice by standing up to a smoking bully at a restaurant. When Tony asks a large man at a neighboring table to extinguish his cigarette, the man refuses, leaving Tony forced to back down. With a little help from Bernie, Tony returns to the restaurant to confront his nemesis – with surprising results.
- S1E13
Snub Thy Neighbor
Jan 17, 200530mTony's policy of not talking to his new neighbor backfires when he and Dana discover they have not been invited to a neighborhood party. Meanwhile, Mickey is dating a girl, Rebecca, and he realizes that they only do what she wants to do.
- S1E14
Weekend With Bernie
Jan 31, 200530mWhen Dana goes out of town to supervise a monkey transfer from the Chicago Zoo, Tony invites Bernie to recuperate from his knee surgery and enjoy a weekend of relaxation at their house. The friends enjoy a few days of watching movies and eating nachos in bed, while Bernie helps Tony with his parenting duties. However, the ""honeymoon"" quickly comes to an end when Bernie's girlfriend shows up and Megan ends up sneaking out of the house.
- S1E15
Inky Dinky Don't
Feb 7, 200530mDana tries to ward off her feelings of middle-age by getting a tattoo. When Tony expresses his disapproval, Dana vows to remove the tattoo if Tony can lose ten pounds. Meanwhile, Megan discovers that Mickey's new girlfriend is cheating on him with another boy, but Mickey doesn't believe her.
- S1E16
Colon-Oopscopy
Feb 14, 200530mWhen Tony learns that he needs surgery, he is terrified, but not as scared as when he discovers that his new physician, Dr. Swerling, used to date his wife. With visions of Dr. Swerling killing him on the operating table and reuniting with Dana, Tony escapes his hospital bed, leaving his family to form a search party to find out where he's hiding.
- S1E17
Tony Whine-Man
Feb 21, 200530mAfter running into the man who used to relentlessly bully him as a child at summer camp, Tony decides to arrange a camp reunion where he can prove to his fellow campers once and for all that he is truly the better man. However, the tables turn on Tony when the camp bully turns out to be very different from what he seems.
- S1E18
Couch Potato
Mar 7, 200530mWhen Megan's soccer coach Mitch leaves, Bernie graciously offers to step in and lead the team. Tony feels like a bad father when Bernie has better luck getting through to Megan as her soccer coach than he ever has as her dad. Little does Tony know that Bernie has a trick up his sleeve – he found just the right kind of motivation for a team of young women to get in the fighting spirit and start winning games.
- S1E19
Waiting for Kleinman
Mar 21, 200530mMegan is thrilled to get the part of Gretel in the local community theater until the director asks Tony to play Hansel, figuring his ""celebrity"" status will boost audience attendance. When Tony starts to drive everyone crazy and tries to take over the production, Megan and the rest of the cast realize that, in order to save the show, they must band together to get rid of Tony – and fast.
- S1E20
Check Mates
Apr 11, 200530mThe Kleinmans are thrilled when their neighbors, Andrew and Jane, agree to give Dana a large donation for the construction of a petting zoo. However, Tony ends up in hot water when he interferes and delays them from getting the check. Now, Tony must take extreme measures to get them to pay up.
- S1E21
Ebony and Irony
Apr 18, 200530mWhen Mickey starts hanging out with Bernie's niece, Erika, Tony invites them to the studio to show them off to his colleagues and prove how liberal he is. When Bernie accuses Tony of grandstanding, Tony asks Bernie why he doesn't invite him to hang out with his friends. To prove his point, Bernie does extend the invitation with surprising results.
- S1E22
Last Vegas
Apr 25, 200530mWhen Tony and Bernie go to Las Vegas to promote their show, Tony anticipates a fun ""guys' weekend"" with Bernie, until Dana suggests she and the kids come along to spend their 20th wedding anniversary together. Dana gets angry when she realizes Tony would rather be elsewhere and urges him to go with Bernie to a club, as she is too upset to spend any more time with him. Instead, she decides to attend a Penn and Teller show, at the personal request of Teller, whom she met earlier in the day. When Tony realizes he'd rather be with his family, he plans a surprise for Dana and the kids that's sure to have them ""all shook up.""