Two and a Half Men

Season 1

24 episodes · Sep 22, 2003

Bachelor Charlie Harper’s carefree life is turned upside down when his uptight brother Alan and nephew Jake move in, sparking chaos and comedy in Malibu.

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  • Pilot
    S1E1

    Pilot

    Sep 22, 200323m

    Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

    Reviews
  • Big Flappy Bastards
    S1E2

    Big Flappy Bastards

    Sep 29, 200321m

    Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

    Reviews
  • Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
    S1E3

    Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

    Oct 6, 200321m

    Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

    Reviews
  • If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
    S1E4

    If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

    Oct 13, 200321m

    Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

    Reviews
  • The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
    S1E5

    The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

    Oct 20, 200319m

    Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

    Reviews
  • Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
    S1E6

    Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

    Oct 27, 200321m

    The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

    Reviews
  • If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
    S1E7

    If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

    Nov 3, 200321m

    Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

    Reviews
  • Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
    S1E8

    Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

    Nov 10, 200319m

    Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

    Reviews
  • Phase One, Complete
    S1E9

    Phase One, Complete

    Nov 17, 200321m

    Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

    Reviews
  • Merry Thanksgiving
    S1E10

    Merry Thanksgiving

    Nov 24, 200321m

    Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

    Reviews
  • Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
    S1E11

    Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

    Dec 15, 200320m

    When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

    Reviews
  • Camel Filters and Pheromones
    S1E12

    Camel Filters and Pheromones

    Jan 5, 200421m

    Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

    Reviews
  • Sarah Like Puny Alan
    S1E13

    Sarah Like Puny Alan

    Jan 12, 200420m

    Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

    Reviews
  • I Can't Afford Hyenas
    S1E14

    I Can't Afford Hyenas

    Feb 2, 200421m

    Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

    Reviews
  • Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
    S1E15

    Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

    Feb 9, 200421m

    Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

    Reviews
  • That Was Saliva, Alan
    S1E16

    That Was Saliva, Alan

    Feb 16, 200421m

    Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

    Reviews
  • Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
    S1E17

    Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

    Feb 23, 200420m

    Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

    Reviews
  • An Old Flame with a New Wick
    S1E18

    An Old Flame with a New Wick

    Mar 1, 200421m

    Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

    Reviews
  • I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
    S1E19

    I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

    Mar 22, 200419m

    Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

    Reviews
  • Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
    S1E20

    Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

    Apr 19, 200421m

    Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

    Reviews
  • No Sniffing, No Wowing
    S1E21

    No Sniffing, No Wowing

    May 3, 200421m

    Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

    Reviews
  • My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
    S1E22

    My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

    May 10, 200421m

    When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

    Reviews
  • Just Like Buffalo
    S1E23

    Just Like Buffalo

    May 17, 200421m

    When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

    Reviews
  • Can You Feel My Finger?
    S1E24

    Can You Feel My Finger?

    May 24, 200421m

    Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

    Reviews