You Can't Do That on Television

Season 5

26 episodes · Jun 4, 1984

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S5E1

Courage

Jun 4, 198430m

The Smurfs Meet Godzilla will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast must be brave to overcome stage fright as the show's ratings are higher then ever. The kids discuss courage. Kevin tests his courage by wearing a suit of armor.

S5E2

Friends

Jun 7, 198430m

Laverne and Shirley Kill Each Other will not be seen at this time so that we may present... You can't put a price tag on friendship. Well, in fact, you can, as Christine sadly discovers when her mother's monthly friendship checks to the cast fail to arrive, leaving Christine friendless.

S5E3

Ambition

Jun 12, 198430m

Dallas & Dynasty will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast explains their ambitions in life. Christine wants to grow as an actress and begs Ross to provide her with a meaty scene within the show. Ben, meanwhile, wants Ross to adjust the budget so he can star in his own music video.

S5E4

Hobbies

Jun 15, 198430m

Hobby Days will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine talks about fashion, her latest hobby.

S5E5

ESP - Magic Astrology

Jun 20, 198430m

The Twilight Zone Gets Redeveloped will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The crew fears a ghost is haunting the studio when strange things start happening. Lisa decides to perform an exorcism to get rid of it. In the sketches, the cast pokes fun at ESP and astrology, as well as magic in sketches like Genie of the Electric Lamp.

S5E6

Literature

Jun 21, 198430m

Masterpiece Theater will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine tries to become one of the shows writers, while Justin tries to track down the great author A. Nonymous. In the sketches, the cast looks at the classics of literature.

S5E7

Clubs

Jun 25, 198430m

The Mickey Mouse Club will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine joins a health club, but isn't really interested in the club's healthy atmosphere and Ross involves the kids in an investment club with himself as their broker.

S5E8

Foreign Countries

Jun 28, 198430m

Around the World in 80 Days will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross appears interested in world travel and foreign cultures, like the rest of the cast. Actually, Ross is only interested in playing "exchange bank."

S5E9

Marketing

Jul 3, 198430m

Miss Piggy Sold to a Sausage Factory will not be seen at this time so that we may present... To raise money to keep the show on the air, the cast tries to sell water and green slime to viewers.

S5E10

History

Jul 11, 198430m

The Six Wives of Henry VIII will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast parodies historical events, as Alasdair traces his family history and Christine writes a research essay.

S5E11

Body Parts

Jul 12, 198430m

Real People's Armpits will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The show's cast competes to see who has the perfect body.

S5E12

Technology

Jul 19, 198430m

The Electric Company Blows a Fuse will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast takes another look at computers and robots. In the process, Ross tests out an interactive poll system. Viewers are supposed to touch the superimposed green and red squares on the screens to determine what happens next. The result: in the space of four minutes, Luke gets shot, Vanessa is slimed, and Lisa is forced to not say anything.

S5E13

Moving

Jul 20, 198430m

Mr. Rogers Gets Evicted will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine's family moves into a new house in the hills, a kid on wheels from California catches the attention of his new classmates.

S5E14

Halloween

Oct 9, 198430m

Boy George Without Makeup will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine puts a spell on Ross that causes evil ghosts to haunt him.

S5E15

Christmas

Dec 8, 198430m

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Joins the A-Team will not be seen at this time so that we may present... It's Christmas on the set, but there's little peace on Earth in the studio: Alasdair's running around with a helmet camouflaged in mistletoe and two eager lips puckered.

S5E16

Holidays

Jan 1, 198530m

The A-Team Wreck Disneyland will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast tries to convince Ross to give them a holiday.

S5E17

Colleges

Jan 4, 198530m

The college football game scheduled at this time between MIT and UCLA will not be seen because "mitucla" is a dirty word in Arundi Barundi. Among the cast's plans for college, Alasdair plans to enter on a video game scholarship but, so far, can't find a university to meet his aim. Ross returns to college so he can enter a profession without kids around.

S5E18

Politics

Jan 8, 198530m

To Tell the Truth (with guest host Richard Nixon) will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Lisa is nominated by Christine to run for class president.

S5E19

Science

Jan 11, 198530m

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Wizard will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Alasdair tries to discover the formula for the green slime.

S5E20

Divorce

Jan 15, 198530m

Family Ties Get Untied will not be seen at this time so that we may present... During their divorce proceedings, the producer's wife takes half the show away - literally half of everything - with strange results.

S5E21

Families

Jan 18, 198530m

The Partridge Family Get Shot will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross' nephew visits the show, but doesn't get along very well with the cast.

S5E22

Malls / Hangouts

Jan 22, 198530m

The A-Team Makes One Cup of Coffee Last 5 Hours will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The kids hang out - at the arcade, the library, malls and summer camp, after school, at the Burgery, around the set, outside prison, stores, locker and dressing rooms. They also hang laundry, hang tough, and generally just hang in there.

S5E23

Seasons / Weather

Jan 25, 198530m

Mr. Wizard Shows You How to Make Rain will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Alasdair makes a weather machine, but it doesn't work correctly.

S5E24

War

Jan 29, 198530m

The Love Boat Goes on a Cruise Missile Cruise will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Alasdair forms an anti-war group (W.I.M.P.), while Ross argues that war is a necessary evil.

S5E25

Jealousy

Feb 1, 198530m

Knight Rider Wants a Ferrari will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast is jealous of Christine after she gets a raise.

S5E26

Wealth

Feb 5, 198530m

Dunking for Dollars will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The series is sold to various foreign countries. Adam acts as millionaire Ronald Rump.