Season 11
189 episodes · Sep 1, 2003
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- S11E1
Al Franken, Grant Paulsen
Sep 1, 2003Dave chats with Stephanie about a (supposed) incident that occurred over the weekend; Alan makes a suggestive offer to Secretary of Labor Elaine L. Chao; Al Franken promotes his new book.
- S11E2
Craig Kilborn, Dave Salmoni, Kings of Leon
Sep 2, 2003Kings of Leon perform their breakthrough hit, "Molly's Chambers."
- S11E3
Gen. Tommy Franks, Rodney Crowell
Sep 3, 2003Biff searches for celebrities on the street; recently retired General Tommy Franks looks back at his illustrious military career.
- S11E4
Nicolas Cage, Alton Brown
Sep 4, 2003"CBS Mailbag," including Stephanie dressed as Batman, "CBS Vice President of Late Night Programming Vinnie Favale," and "George W. Bush" (Gerard).
- S11E5
Whoopi Goldberg, Vic Henley, Ima Robot
Sep 5, 2003Paul's "Stump the Band" losing streak continues; Whoopi Goldberg promotes her new sitcom.
- S11E6
Andy Roddick, Jack Black, Warren Zevon*
Sep 8, 2003Dave welcomes 2003 U.S. Open Men's Tennis Champion Andy Roddick and actor Jack Black. Dave remembers the late Warren Zevon with the Show #1895 tape of Warren singing "Mutineer" on October 30, 2002; Paul and the band play Warren Zevon bumper music throughout the show.
- S11E7
Salma Hayek, Chris Elliott
Sep 9, 2003Rick Derringer sits in with the band; a woman from Staten Island participates in "May We See Your Digital Photos, Please?"; Chris Elliott comments on current events.
- S11E8
Sharon Stone, The Raveonettes
Sep 10, 2003An opera singer performs in the hallway; the recently deceased Charles Bronson declares his candidacy for Governor of California; Dave and Sharon Stone make out.
- S11E9
Regis Philbin, Seal
Sep 11, 2003Steph/Monty dresses up as Don Mattingly for CBS Mailbag; she closes the segment by playing catch with Dave.
- S11E10
Cuba Gooding Jr., Simon & Garfunkel
Sep 12, 2003Dave has a major announcement to make; Cuba Gooding, Jr. promotes The Fighting Temptations; Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel sing "America" and "The Boxer."
- S11E11
Dr. Phil, David Bowie
Sep 22, 2003Miss America 2004 Ericka Dunlap presents the Top Ten List; Dave tells the story of his weekend encounter with a bear at his house in Montana; Dr. Phil gives Dave some parenting tips.
- S11E12
Ben Stiller, Elvis Costello
Sep 23, 2003Ben Stiller talks about his new movie, Duplex; Elvis Costello performs a song from his new CD, North.
- S11E13
The Rock, Lynne Cheney
Sep 24, 2003Cold opening: The Rock shows Lynne Cheney how to apply a "chicken wing" to Paul; New York Giants kicker Matt Bryant attempts rooftop field goals across 53rd Street.
- S11E15
Joe Pantaliano, Kevin Nealon, Outkast
Sep 26, 2003Stephanie is Peter Pan for "CBS Mailbag;" "Joey Pants" promotes "The Handler;" Kevin Nealon; Outkast sings "Hey Ya."
- S11E16
Denzel Washington, New York Philharmonic
Sep 29, 2003Paul asks "Survivor 7" castaway Ryan "Skinny" Shoulders (who is wearing a Rage Against The Machine t-shirt) if he digs Audioslave; Denzel Washington promotes Out of Time; The New York Philharmonic performs "The Marriage of Figaro" atop the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theatre building.
- S11E17
Tom Cavanagh, Ray Wald, Dido
Sep 30, 2003It's time for "How Many Guys in Gorilla Suits Can Fit Into a Eyeglass Store?" Quote Dave: "I was going to buy a pair of eyeglasses, but the optical store was full of gorillas."
- S11E18
Tim Robbins, Sting
Oct 1, 2003The latest role call reveals that Michele O'Callaghan's five-month-old daughter (named "Zoogie") picks Dave's ties; Dave and Paul are dumbfounded by a pitching machine in a new game called "What Is It?"; Tim Robbins plugs "Mystic River"; Pat Farmer destroys the pitching machine.
- S11E19
Stupid Human Tricks, Lisa Kudrow, R.E.M.
Oct 2, 2003Steph/Monty dresses as a letter carrier for "Know Your Current Events;" R.E.M. performs "Bad Day."
- S11E20
Robin Williams, Summerwind Skippers
Oct 3, 2003During CBS Mailbag, Alan dresses up as Saddam Hussein for his new hidden-camera show "Goof'd!" and gets beat up by several people on the street. Later, Robin Williams comments on the Tour de France.
- S11E21
Jessica Simpson, Rufus Wainwright
Oct 6, 2003Jessica Simpson mentions that she was on Oprah recently, much to Dave's chagrin; fill-in bandleader Todd Rundgren sings "Hello It's Me;" Pat Farmer drops 20,000 ping-pong balls from the roof.
- S11E23
Amy Sedaris, Tom Dreesen, Anthony Hamilton
Oct 8, 2003Dave calls ousted California governor Gray Davis "a wanker;" Gary Coleman presents the Top Ten via satellite, then falls asleep; Tom Dressen talks baseball.
- S11E24
George Clooney, Merle Haggard
Oct 9, 2003A man from Charlotte, North Carolina plays "Know Your 2003 Boston Red Sox;" ten Hooters Girls present the Top Ten; George Clooney plugs Intolerable Cruelty.
- S11E25
Charlie Sheen, John Mayer
Oct 10, 2003During CBS Mailbag, Alan has an awkward reunion with the first girl that ever kissed him, and "Ah-nuld" (Gerard) has an enlightened conversation with Dave. Later, Charlie Sheen promotes "Two and a Half Men."
- S11E26
Halle Berry, Lance Armstrong
Oct 13, 2003Pat Farmer and an army of stagehands throws a special form of confetti off the roof of the theater; Steph/Monty tells "Survivor 7" loser Burton Roberts an alleged story about a woodpecker nipping her in the butt last weekend; Halle Berry brags that Robert Downey Jr. once broke her arm.
- S11E27
John Cusack, Scott Dixon, Hot Hot Heat
Oct 14, 2003For the first time in several years, famed saxophonist David Sanborn sits in with the band; Dave announces he's going to rehab, then demands to have some Dunkin' Donuts; John Cusack promotes Runaway Jury; 2003 Indy Car champion Scott Dixon.
- S11E28
Katie Holmes, Brian Greene, Jonny Lang
Oct 15, 2003Dave congratulates Conan O'Brien on his newborn daughter; ten weightlifters present the Top Ten; noted physics professor Brian Greene tries to explain the mysteries of the universe.
- S11E29
Dustin Hoffman, Jamie Oliver
Oct 16, 2003Ten US Soldiers in Iraq present the Top Ten via satellite; Dustin Hoffman plugs "The Runaway Jury," British chef Jamie Oliver cooks some scallops.
- S11E30
Darrell Hammond, Radiohead
Oct 17, 2003For CBS Mailbag, Steph/Monty dresses up as a soccer player and kicks balls (poorly) into the audience. Later, Radiohead performs "2+2=5."
- S11E31
Kiefer Sutherland, Emmylou Harris
Oct 27, 2003Paul sneezes during the monologue; the band area is remodeled; Biff makes his annual report from the World Series; a 1,030-pound pumpkin explodes (via SFX) outside.
- S11E32
Courteney Cox, Doris Roberts
Oct 28, 2003Dave announces that he's been transferred to Chesterton, Indiana; on tonight's "Meet the Governor," a young Ah-nuld ogles an exotic dancer; Courtney Cox Arquette almost sings TLC's "Waterfalls;" after a one-day rain delay, a real pumpkin explodes.
- S11E33
Keanu Reeves, Sue Johanson
Oct 29, 2003Steph/Monty dresses up as an elf on a rare Wednesday CBS Mailbag; during Mailbag, Rupert takes part in his yearly tradition of watching the coleslaw change colors; Dave is so fascinated by Canadian "sexpert" Sue Johanson that he interviews her twice.
- S11E34
Eric McCormack, Dante Hall
Oct 30, 2003The Slapinski Brothers, world-class jugglers, interrupt the monologue; Dave points out that Rupert was on last night's episode of "Ed"; Dante Hall of the Kansas City Chiefs catches a football on 53rd Street.
- S11E35
Pamela Anderson, Amanda Lollar, Bubba Sparxx
Oct 31, 2003Amongst this year's "New Halloween Costumes": a George Foreman grill, the button on the remote control that you never use, and the "Queer Eye" fab five. Also, Rosie Perez delivers Paul's cape for his weekly, blues-induced breakdown.
- S11E36
Ashley Judd, Richard Belzer, Sarah McLachlan
Nov 3, 2003The 2003 NYC Marathon winners make their annual run through the studio; eliminated "Survivor 7" hopefuls Shawn Cohen (who was voted out) and Osten Taylor (the guy who quit the game) drop by Rupert's; Ashley Judd reminisces with Paul; comedian/conspiracy-theorist Richard "John Munch" Belzer visits; Sarah McLachlan performs solo at the piano; Alan moos like a cow.
- S11E37
Regis Philbin, Amy Brenneman
Nov 4, 2003Dave gives a recap of the events leading up to -- and including -- the birth yesterday of son Harry Joseph Letterman; "Indian Larry" performs motorcycle stunts on 53rd Street; Regis continues his string of appearances tied to memorable occasions; Amy Brennaman chats about the 100th episode of "Judging Amy."
- S11E38
Will Ferrell, Jack McKeon, Lyle Lovett
Nov 5, 2003During Mailbag, Steph/Monty dresses up a police officer, while Dave tries to make some sense out of "Liza Minnelli" (Gerard in fishnet stockings). Later, it is revealed that the winner of the "Guess the Name of Dave's Baby Contest" is Dave himself.
- S11E39
Howard Stern, Iggy Pop with Sum 41
Nov 6, 2003Amongst the "New Catalogs": Harry & David Pre-Owned Fruit, Victoria's Secret for Monkeys, and special edition of California Style in which all the models have been groped by Arnold Schwarzenegger; Howard Stern mentions to Dave that the impersonator that regularly calls into his show is a big fan and meant no harm; Iggy Pop featuring Sum 41 perform "Little Know It All."
- S11E40
Lauren Graham, Paul Tracey, Wyclef Jean
Nov 7, 2003An elf named Perry helps out during "Know Your Current Events"; Bert and Ernie (of "Sesame Street" fame) diss Dave; Lauren Graham talks about a recent parking ticket.
- S11E41
Norm MacDonald, Jack Hannah
Nov 10, 2003Dave announces that Oprah gave him a gift on behalf of the new baby, only to realize that it was delivered by somebody with the same name; throughout the night, weightlifter Willie Wessels demonstrates super-human feats out on 53rd Street; Norm McDonald plugs "A Minute with Stan Hooper."
- S11E42
Madonna, Chris Elliot
Nov 11, 2003Cold Opening: Dave compliments Madonna's latest children's book: "I like the picture of the monkey." Also, Chris Elliott introduces Dave's son Harry, who says his first words: "S***."
- S11E44
Russell Crowe, Pink
Nov 13, 2003A sheep herder walks into the theater with his flock along side him; Pink sings "Trouble."
- S11E45
Jessica Lynch, Shelby Lynne
Nov 14, 2003During "Know Your Current Events," a visiting audience member from Liverpool, England is quizzed on his knowledge of Prince Charles. Later, potential Minnesota gubernatorial candidate Al Franken delivers Paul's cape.
- S11E46
Stupid Pet Tricks, Cate Blanchett
Nov 17, 2003As part of his legendary "fashion show" gag, Dave models the lining of his sportcoat; Dave tells a story involving a mother and two sons trying to hitch a taxi this morning; a timeline of Ah-nuld's first day in office as Governor of California is nothing more than a recap of all those "Meet the Governor" clips.
- S11E47
Dakota Fanning, Rocco DiSpirito, Cast of Wicked
Nov 18, 2003An arm-wresting challenge is held at Hello Deli; child actress Dakota Fanning plugs "The Cat in the Hat."
- S11E49
Wesley Clark
Nov 20, 2003Ashrita "Mr. Versatility" Furman balances beer glasses on his chin on 53rd St.; eleven Playboy Playmates present the Top Ten; Dave grills General Wesley Clark about his dismissal from the Army.
- S11E50
Robert Downey Jr., Joss Stone
Nov 21, 2003Dave and Paul play "Potatoes or Gavin MacLeod?"; Dave openly wishes that Paris Hilton had not cancelled her appearance on the show next week; Robert Downey Jr. makes his first appearance on the show since early 1996; 16-year-old singer-songwriter Joss Stone performs.
- S11E51
Paul Newman, Clay Aiken
Nov 24, 2003Biff spends a day on the campaign trail with Howard Dean; Gerard stands in for unavailable Survivor loser Rupert Boneham; Paul Newman discusses all things auto racing; Clay Aiken sings "Invisible" from his CD Measure Of A Man.
- S11E52
Tom Ridge, Puddle of Mudd
Nov 25, 2003Cold Opening: Tom Ridge finks on Michael Jackson. Also, Dave has yet another rant about Paris Hilton, claiming that she won't be on because a "no-good weasel, beady-eyed putz publicist" told her not to appear. "He's lower than pond scum," Dave observes, then later he calls him a nitwit and a knuckle-dragging neanderthal.
- S11E53
Mike Myers, Jay-Z
Nov 26, 2003During Mailbag, Harold Larkin tries a new product, then, in honor of Thanksgiving, starts bleeding gravy; Mike Myers plugs The Cat in the Hat.
- S11E54
Tom Arnold, Moby
Nov 27, 2003Dorothy (live via satellite) brags about her five grandkids, ranging between 32 years and one month in age, and again stumps Dave with her apple and pecan Thanksgiving pies; Bill Delace presents "Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From a Guy Dressed as a Pilgrim;" Tom Arnold plugs his book, "How I Lost Five Pounds In Six Years."
- S11E55
Jessica Alba, Wendy Liebman, The Rapture
Nov 28, 2003Felecia makes fun of Donny Osmond during "Stump The Band;" former "Dark Angel" star Jessica Alba plugs Honey; The Rapture performs "House of Jealous Lovers."
- S11E56
Matt Damon, Jack Johnson and G. Love
Dec 8, 2003Rupert is almost omnipresent in the first half of the show, presenting footage of his trip to the Meadowlands for last week's Jets-Titans game, then chats with ousted Survivor Christa Hastie. Also, Matt Damon tells a story about working with Cher in his new movie, Stuck On You.
- S11E57
Danny DeVito, Tim Russert
Dec 9, 2003Dave mentions that his son likes to suck his nose; Biff & staff decorate taxi cabs for Christmas; Danny DeVito plugs Big Fish.
- S11E58
Amanda Peet, Barry Sonnenfeld
Dec 10, 2003During Mailbag, the voices in Alan's head result in the horrific demise of his precious ceramic figure collection. Also, upon reading an article in Time about Oprah's refusal to have Dave on her show, he suggests a "Super Bowl of Love" with Dr. Phil reconciling the talk show hosts.
- S11E60
Julia Roberts, Alkaline Trio
Dec 12, 2003Dave announces that he's been invited to appear on Oprah (at long, long last), while Julia Roberts interrogates Dave for his inability to marry the mother of his child.
- S11E61
Liv Tyler, John Witherspoon, Alicia Keys
Dec 15, 2003It's a Late Show mini-reunion as former Broadway merchants Mujibur, Sirajul, and Joe G. join Rupert in decorating the Late Show Christmas Tree. Also, Dave comments on Saddam's capture, then shows Liv Tyler her Lord of the Rings action figure.
- S11E63
Neve Campbell, Wellwater Conspiracy
Dec 17, 2003During Mailbag, Dave tries to make sense out of "Saddam Hussein" (Gerard), while a reindeer takes a dump onstage. Also, Neve Campbell promotes the upcoming Robert Altman film "The Company," while Wellwater Conspiracy performs "Wimple Witch."
- S11E65
Charlize Theron, Dave Matthews
Dec 19, 2003During "Audience Show & Tell," a man recites the names of all 50 states in alphabetical order in just fifteen seconds. Also, Golden Globe nominee Charlize Theron promotes "Monster."
- S11E66
Steve Martin, Shannon Eis
Dec 22, 2003Dave mentions some strange advice his mother gave him about Harry: "Well, David, I think it would be nice if one day he joined a gang." Also, "The Kalter Brothers" sing "The Little Drummer Boy" without incident, and Steve Martin talks about the burden of being beautiful.
- S11E67
Renee Zellweger, Darlene Love
Dec 23, 2003It's the annual "Holiday Night" on the Late Show: Paul does his impersonation of Cher singing "O Holy Night;" Jay Thomas successfully dethrones the objects on top of the Late Show Christmas Tree; for the nineteenth year in a row, Darlene Love (featuring Bette Sussman and a 26-piece orchestra) performs "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)."
- S11E68
Jennifer Aniston, Ryan Adams
Jan 5, 2004Dave brings out Biff and thanks him, Paul, the USO and a variety of soldiers for making the Christmas Eve trip to Baghdad possible; in the premiere edition of "Will It Explode?" Pat Farmer throws 18 industrial-size cans of chocolate and butterscotch pudding off the roof; Parents magazine calls Dave "America's Most Moronic Father."
- S11E70
Eddie Griffin, Marv Albert
Jan 7, 2004Dave celebrate's Steph/Monty's birthday with a cake that reads "Happy Birthday Tammi!" Also, recent baseball Hall of Fame inductees Paul Molitor and Dennis Eckersley present the Top Ten.
- S11E71
Nathan Lane, Ruben Studdard
Jan 8, 2004During his interview with Nathan Lane, Dave suggests to Paul that they should perform together in the musical "The Producers." Also, Ruben Stoddard performs "Sorry 2004."
- S11E72
Billy Bob Thornton
Jan 9, 2004It's time for another round of "Stump the Band," and as usual Paul does his Carnac schtick; ten interns present the Top Ten; Billy Bob Thornton describes his short-lived tenure as the assistant manager of a pizza parlor; The Darkness performs "I Believe In a Thing Called Love."
- S11E73
Patricia Heaton, Kate Bosworth
Jan 12, 2004Dave goes on a rant about Jay Leno's appearance on CBS' "People's Choice Awards" home site, while Dick Gephardt presents the Top Ten.
- S11E75
Bette Midler, Howie Day
Jan 14, 2004Mailbag: Alan gets clobbered by an angry Irishman, George Clarke takes a shower with former basketball star Manute Bol, and Steph/Monty gives heart surgery fun facts. Also, Howie Day performs "She Says."
- S11E76
Dave Chapelle, Carmen Electra
Jan 15, 2004Throughout the night, foreigners tell jokes; Dave and Paul play a new game called "Mars or Nevada?" then come to agree that it's utterly stupid; Al Roker presents the Top Ten; Carmen Electra promotes her new striptease-workout video.
- S11E77
Christina Aquilera, Gary Muledeer
Jan 16, 2004During "Audience Show & Tell," a woman from Texas shows off photos of her Chinese hairless in various costumes; Dave reads a fan letter from someone whose life depends upon "Will It Float?"; Christina Aguilera sings "Walk Away."
- S11E78
Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey, Al Green
Jan 19, 2004Stephanie demonstrates her ex-boyfriend's lackluster dancing abilities once more; John McEnroe does the Top Ten and promotes his new talk show at the same time; Gavin MacLeod makes a guest appearance in "Potatoes or Gavin MacLeod?"; by the end of the show, Steph, Gavin, and John are dancing together.
- S11E79
Ashton Kutcher, Paula Abdul
Jan 20, 2004Singer-songwriter John Mayer sits in; Dave shows footage of Howard Dean's head exploding; in the latest edition of "Pat Farmer's Gaffe Alert," our favorite film-loving stagehand points out that the entire cast of Casablanca is now dead.
- S11E80
Kristin Davis, Joe Simpson
Jan 21, 2004Dave does a really bad Howard Dean impression; during Mailbag, Rupert puts a ruined slice of turkey in the soup of the day; Dave chats with a mountain climber with an epic story of survival.
- S11E81
Matthew Broderick, Jim Garvin
Jan 22, 2004Dave shows several photos that answer the question "What's the Deal with Donald Trump's Hair?;" Howard Dean presents the Top Ten live via satellite from New Hampshire.
- S11E82
Al Franken, Jake Johannsen, Phantom Planet
Jan 23, 2004Al Franken comments on his trip to Iraq; Phantom Planet performs "Big Brat."
- S11E83
Regis Philbin, The Thrills
Feb 2, 2004Dave mentions the passing of influential late night great Jack Paar; Biff introduces his annual "Biff at the Super Bowl" segment; Bill DeLace does another Top Ten remote, this time from a nearby Starbucks.
- S11E84
Harry Connick Jr., Sean Astin
Feb 3, 2004Dave announces that after 22 years on the wagon, he would like to start drinking again, but only during the show. Later, he wishes Oprah a belated happy 50th birthday.
- S11E85
Bill Belichick, Cindy Crawford
Feb 4, 2004Dave mentions that water is not running in the building for the time being; during Mailbag, Pat Farmer tortures a stagehand with a George Foreman Grill; Dave shows a (bogus) clip of Barbara Walters topless.
- S11E86
Hilary Swank, Todd Barry, Nellie McKay
Feb 6, 2004Dave recaps last night's accident on 53rd Street: snowboarder Tara Dakides slid off a landing platform and fell to the pavement. She was taken to New York's Bellevue Hospital, and was treated for injuries. The audience was informed of the incident, and taping for the evening's two shows was cancelled.
- S11E87
Dr. Phil, Tara Dakides, Clip of The Beatles
Feb 9, 2004Dave chats with snowboarder Tara Dakides, whose accident during a demonstration on 53rd Street cancelled the taping of last Thursday's episode. Also, in honor of the 40th Anniversary of Beatlemania, Paul does an Ed Sullivan impression, while Dave shows the entire clip of the Fab Four performing for the first time in this very theater.
- S11E88
Drew Barrymore, Jack Hanna
Feb 10, 2004Rupert selects a 53rd Street Loser to play "What Did Merv Have For Lunch;" Drew Barrymore and Jack Hanna remain clothed during their segments.
- S11E89
Adam Sandler, Eve
Feb 11, 2004Dave tries out a new catchphrase: "Ba da boom, ba da bing." Also, Steph/Monty dresses up a 1980s-era Olympic hockey player, and Dave goes back to calling her "Smitty."
- S11E90
Bill Murray, Jermaine O'Neal
Feb 12, 2004Throughout the night, the CBS Orchestra plays songs by Air Supply; Dave mentions that the continent of Australia has demanded to see that clip of the monkey washing a cat; Bill Murray gets a "Dave" tattoo on his arm.
- S11E91
Alec Baldwin, Sofia Coppola, Kylie Minogue
Feb 13, 2004This week's "Will It Float?" item is a box of chocolates; Alec Baldwin and Sofia Coppola visit; Kylie Minogue performs "Red Blooded Women."
- S11E92
Stupid Human Tricks, Ray Romano, Kayne West
Feb 16, 2004Dave makes fun of a new commercial, and the clip is repeated throughout the broadcast; during "Stupid Human Tricks," a man stuffs his mouth with a tennis ball; Ray Romano promotes Welcome to Mooseport.
- S11E93
Kelly Ripa, Lindsay Lohan
Feb 17, 2004Leon Russell sits in; Dave is still fascinated by a quote from last night's film trailer ("If you need help, here I am") and repeats it several times throughout the show; Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and Kelly Ripa both attempt parallel parking.
- S11E94
Ashley Judd, Ben Harper
Feb 18, 2004Mailbag: Steph/Monty/Smitty is dressed up as Dale Earnhardt, Jr., while "Senator John Kerry" (Gerard) brags about the perks of being married to the heir of a ketchup empire. Also, a Mongolian throat chanter performs on "Is This Anything?" but nobody seems all that impressed.
- S11E95
Gordon Geisbrecht, Sarah Jessica Parker, Nelly Furtado
Feb 19, 2004Noted hypothermia expert Dr. Gordon Geisbrecht jumps into a tank of icewater to demonstrate its effects; the US Senate announces that when referring to George W. Bush, "president" will be used in quotation marks; Dave shows the audience a new photo of little Harry.
- S11E96
Amber Tamblyn, Brian Regan, Leona Naess
Feb 20, 2004During "Audience Show & Tell," Dave meets a former White House intern; George Clarke fills in for Kiva "Grinder Girl" Kahl during "Will It Float?"; comedian Brian Regan comments on psychics.
- S11E97
Jeff Goldblum, Norah Jones
Feb 23, 2004Demolition demo (shut down by Hizzoner Bloomberg's office) on 53rd St. turns into Pat Farmer dropping stuff off the roof; Survivor loser Rob Cesternino drops by Rupert's; Jeff Goldblum visits; Norah Jones sings "What Am I To You?"
- S11E98
Edie Falco, Steven Bailey, Edie Brickell
Feb 24, 2004It's "Steve and Edie" night on the Late Show: Edie Falco promotes the upcoming fifth season of "The Sopranos;" Dave meets Steven Bailey of "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé" fame; Edie Brickell (making her first LS appearance in nearly 10 years)promotes her latest solo album.
- S11E99
Diane Sawyer, Benjamin McKenzie
Feb 25, 2004Stephanie/Monty/Smitty is in dentist garb (and Dave-ordered model posture) for "CBS Mailbag;" Diane Sawyer gushes over Oprah Winfrey's 50th birthday party; Benjamin McKenzie ("The O.C.") visits.
- S11E100
Stupid Pet Tricks, Tim Robbins, Evanescence
Feb 26, 2004Dave shows an (bogus) political ad in which Dennis Kucinich announces he's marrying Lorenzo Lamas; in an all-dog edition of "Stupid Pet Tricks," one canine says hello to Dave; Ernest Borgnine presents the Top Ten.
- S11E101
Bill Cosby, Toby Lightman
Feb 27, 2004On "Audience Show & Tell," Dave make his contribution to an audience member's collection of gum chewed by celebrities; "Will It Float?" sinks a tray of billiard balls; Bill Cosby does stand-up; Lou Reed capes; Toby Lightman sings.
- S11E102
Anne Heche, Cee-Lo
Mar 1, 2004The studio audience votes Dave off the show, so Gaines orders Paul to take over during "Survivor Loser." When Dave reappears during Paul's interview with Richard Hatch, Paul goes to a commercial. Later, a miffed (and naked) Hatch walks into the backdrop during Anne Heche's visit.
- S11E103
Turkey Callers, Julia Stiles, Jessica Simpson
Mar 2, 2004National Turkey Calling champs are trotted out; Ryan Seacrest presents the "Top Ten Catch Phrases Ryan Seacrest Rejected Before 'Seacrest Out!'" (via satellite); Julia Stiles visits; Jessica Simpson sings.
- S11E104
Ben Stiller, Robert Rudolph and The Family Band
Mar 3, 2004During Mailbag, Biff goes to bed with a guy named Cameron Diaz; George Clarke fills in for Anna Jack on hula hoop; Alan admits to a $1000-a-week addiction to Vicodin; Robert Randolph and the Family Band brings the house down with "Going In The Right Direction."
- S11E105
Viggo Mortensen, Sting, Bill Murray
Mar 4, 2004Dave announces that he's on steroids, then shows before-and-after photos to prove his point; Biff goes on a cruise; the outside cam finds Bill Murray lying in the gutter, a desperate and broken man; "Oprah" (Pat Farmer) interviews "Beyonce" (Kenny Sheehan).
- S11E106
Charles Grodin, Chloe Pang
Mar 5, 2004Twelve-year-old piano prodigy Chloe Pang plays Bach's "Goldberg Variations." Dave is almost brought to tears by the performance, declaring it one of the show's best.
- S11E107
Jim Carrey, Steve Winwood
Mar 15, 2004Dave points out that for the nineteenth year in a row, the WMDB/CBS Orchestra will be the house band for the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies; Dave and Les Moonves chat via telephone; Jim Carrey and Dave attempt a "talk show without talk" that only lasts about 47 seconds.
- S11E108
Kate Winslet, Bruce McCall, The Vines
Mar 16, 2004After two weeks of plugging their product, Dave shows a single Shick Quattro razor the company sent, and reads a very peculiar letter to Gaines from someone in the company; the Top Ten is now sponsored by myheadhurts.com; Canadian satirist Bruce McCall promotes his new book; The Vines perform "Ride."
- S11E110
Tom Hanks, N.E.R.D.
Mar 22, 2004Cold opening: Tom Hanks gives Harry Letterman an Oscar, and Dave accepts it on his behalf. Later, the Ladykillers star gives the absentee infant a $50 savings bond, while Congressman Dennis Kucinich presents the Top Ten.
- S11E111
Jamie Foxx, Al Franken
Mar 23, 2004All-American basketball player Andre Barrett throws various items off the roof, aiming towards a basketball hoop at ground level, the misses the basket on all six chances. Also, Al Franken promotes his upcoming liberal-friendly radio network.
- S11E112
Ricky Gervais, Blondie
Mar 24, 2004Mailbag: George Clarke's attempt at surgically losing weight is thwarted when some guy steals his clothes. Also, Blondie performs "Good Boys."
- S11E113
Janet Jackson, John Mayer
Mar 29, 2004Throughout the night, Columbia University professor and 1999 Nobel laureate in economics Dr. Robert Mundell tells lame redneck jokes; Bill DeLace presents another hidden-camera remote Top Ten; Janet Jackson is grilled at length by Dave on her "wardrobe malfunction" at this year's Super Bowl.
- S11E114
Matthew Perry, Lou Reed
Mar 30, 2004After weeks of shilling their product, Dave finally receives a thousand Schick Quattro razors in the mail, then promises to give them out to the audience. Unfortunatly, Gaines and Laurie Diamond tell Dave that the staff has already taken their fair share of the razors. Later in the show, he compensates by having Rupert, the Hi-Ho girls, and a British guy giving candy and razors to the audience.
- S11E116
The Rock, Liz Phair
Apr 1, 2004A minor controversy that started earlier in the week is resolved by a very apologetic CNN anchorwoman (see recap). Also, Dave congratulates Craig Kilborn on five years at CBS.
- S11E117
Tyler Crotty, Michael Imperioli, Jim Gaffigan
Apr 2, 2004Audience Show & Tell: a husband and wife tandem demonstrates a neat trick involving a yo-yo and a shiny quarter. Also, Dave chats with Tyler Crotty, the tired pre-teen who has been at the center of a minor controversy on the Late Show for the last week. For appearing on the show, Dave gives Tyler several cans of Red Bull. Also, very tall man(Paul Olkowski) gives Dave a one arm hug before he shows a "glory day" highlight from 12 years ago when he sank a full-court shot on ESPN.
- S11E118
Bruce Willis, Renee Askins
Apr 6, 2004The Top Ten list is now sponsored by rake-attack.com, while Bruce Willis shows off his new, stealthy, Trump-style hairpiece.
- S11E120
Billy Crystal, Alex Rodriguez
Apr 12, 2004Alan brings a video of celebrity well-wishers for Dave's 57th birthday (just a tape of a fleeing Regis); it's "More With Les," as Dave phones up CBS-TV head honcho Les Moonves; Billy Crystal plugs his new children's book; "A-Rod" chats, then jacks a few balls with Dave on 53rd Street.
- S11E121
Chris Rock, The Upside Down Act
Apr 13, 2004Biff makes his annual trip to Spring Training, where he for the second year in a row, he and Hideki Matsui perform Abbott & Costello's "Who's on First?" routine; Jerry turns Dave upside down to preview Kai Leclerc's gravity-defying juggling act; "Dwight the Troubled Teen" makes another visit to Alan's booth.
- S11E122
Amy Sedaris, Damien Rice
Apr 14, 2004Mailbag: After noticing that a letter-writer misspelled his name, Paul comes with a homonym for his moniker, resulting in a rival homonym from Biff. Also, Dave kisses a donkey, while Ruben Stoddard presents the Top Ten.
- S11E123
David Duchovny, Chris Russo
Apr 15, 2004In the "season finale" of "Trump or Monkey?," a dancer from the musical Hairspray wins an alleged trip to Acapulco; David Duchovny discusses his son's linguistic skills; after getting bumped twice in the last year, NYC sportscaster Chris "Mad Dog" Russo is finally grilled by Dave.
- S11E124
Phil Mickelson, Kathryn Morris, Patti Smith
Apr 16, 2004Phil Mickelson brags about his victory at the 2004 Masters; James Lipton delivers Paul's cape.
- S11E125
Megan Mullally, Eli Manning, Diana Krall
Apr 26, 2004al-Qaeda takes responsibility for Derek Jeter's batting slump; Dave resurrects his two favorite Cold Mountain sound clips; stuntman "Magic Brian" eats a lightbulb.
- S11E126
Andy Richter, Davy Rothbart, Mary Chapin Carpenter
Apr 27, 2004Dave declares that the new mission statement for the Late Show will be "We are here for you. We'll make things better." Also, Rupert hosts the debut edition of "Stop the Pump," a game involving pumping fuel at a gas station on the corner of 44th and 10th in Manhattan.
- S11E127
Julianne Moore, Robert Klein, Todd Rundgren
Apr 28, 2004Dave announces that he's going to be "more dynamic," resulting in spasm-like movements by him and Paul; to accompany Steph/Monty/Smitty dressing as Amelia Earhart for Mailbag, Dave repeatedly orders to hear airplane SFX inbetween letters; Julianne Moore tells Dave what it's like to kiss Barbara Walters.
- S11E128
Kelly Ripa, Jennie Finch
Apr 29, 2004The theater audience is given the option of either having Tom Hanks drop by or watch stock footage of a camel on skis. Dave claims the camel tape won. Also, Dave thinks he's addicted to Bexstra, claiming "the inside of me itches."
- S11E129
Hillary Clinton, The Roots
Apr 30, 2004An audience member turns her hand 360 degrees; Hillary Clinton discusses her husband's book and the war in Iraq; The Roots perform "Don't Say Nuthin'."
- S11E131
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Adam Brody
May 4, 2004Nobel Economics Prize winner Robert Mundell tells "Yo Mama" jokes; a woman off the street pretends to be in an earthquake with Rupert; Survivor All-Stars loser Shii-Ann Huang presents the Top Ten.
- S11E134
Kelsey Grammar, Orchestra Baobob with Trey Anastasio and Dave Matthews
May 7, 2004Ten celebrity moms (including Dorothy and Gerard as "Betty Lou Roberts") present the Top Ten, and later the faux mother of Julia Roberts delivers Paul's cape.
- S11E135
Amber Brkich, Regis Philbin, Black-Eyed Peas
May 10, 2004Dave announces that motorcyclist "Johnny McCoy" will be performing a very dangerous and complicated stunt out on 53rd Street, but it ends up getting cancelled; Dave makes Jerry play the airplane SFX again; it turns out Johnny McCoy can't even ride a motorcycle; Dave, Regis, and Paul weigh themselves.
- S11E139
Amy Sedaris, Modest Mouse
May 14, 2004A special edition of the show taped in the middle of the night. Dave arrives on horseback; vermin expert Robert Sullivan searches for rats; Dave shows footage of Eric Stangel trying to call Bob Borden from his apartment/hotel room; ten nighthawks present the Top Ten; Amy Sedaris takes a tour of her West Village neighborhood.
- S11E141
Charlie Sheen, Jack Hanna
May 18, 2004Chef Emil Castillo makes a $1000 frittata (read: omelet), and when completed, Dave smothers it with ketchup; Dave pays tribute to Tony Randall, who passed on that morning; Dave resolves a tickle in his throat with a bottle of Tanqueray.
- S11E142
Kiefer Sutherland, Incubus
May 19, 2004Dave gives Steph/Monty/Smitty another weird nickname ("Gunther") while baseball star Randy "Big Unit" Johnson presents a perfect game-themed Top Ten.
- S11E144
Ellen DeGeneres, The Strokes
May 21, 2004Dave claims he has a rare form of tuberculosis, and that a Dave stand-in is waiting backstage for when the time comes; Kiva "Grinder Girl" Kahl reports from her apartment in Brooklyn to discuss a recent leg injury; Gary Mintz fills in for Kiva during "Will It Float?"; The Strokes perform "The End Has No End."
- S11E145
Nicole Kidman, Avril Lavigne
May 24, 2004Dave's stand-in is still waiting for his cue; Dave demands to hear the airplane and Cold Mountain SFX again; the stars of The Sopranos perform the Top Ten; Nicole Kidman makes her first appearance on the show in three years.
- S11E146
Dennis Quaid, Velvet Revolver
May 25, 2004Dave congratulates Sid McGinnis on becoming a grandfather; karate expert Leif Becker attempts to break 500 boards in a minute, but ends up tying his personal record of 415; ten NBA legends present the Top Ten; for the fourth show in a row, the credits roll over footage of Alan presenting flowers to an unknown woman.
- S11E147
Mandy Moore, Nate Erwin, Counting Crows
May 26, 2004Mailbag: Steph/Smitty/Gunther is dressed up as Rahal/Letterman racer Buddy Rice; the upcoming cable channel "Logo" declares the Late Show "the gayest show on television;" Dave is interrupted by "Gerry the Cicada" Mulligan, who attempts to dance the Lambada. Later, Gerry is invited back onstage to eat actual cicadas with Dave, Paul and bug expert Nate Erwin.
- S11E148
Darrell Hammond, blink-182
May 27, 2004Dave announces that he's had another falling-out with CBS, which may or may not give him the justification to mock the network again; hundreds of sailors walk onstage for "Is This Anything?"; Darrell Hammond performs his best impressions, plus a new imitation of Senator John Kerry.
- S11E149
Andy Dick, Bob Woodward
May 28, 2004A 1 1/2 pound Porterhouse steak is subjected to "Will It Float?" and despite Dave's scientific argument that a dead animal would more than likely float in water, the meat sinks. Also, Bob Woodward discusses his new book and recent interview with George Bush.
- S11E150
Bill Murray, P.J. Harvey
Jun 7, 2004Dave brags about his Indy 500 win last week; Alan's recap of the first game of the NBA Finals turns into a striptease; Bill Murray announces that he's now moonlighting as a circus clown, wearing an outfit to prove it.
- S11E151
Bette Midler, David Tidmarsh
Jun 8, 2004In honor of one of tonight's guests (a spelling bee champ), Dave mentions that the most commonly used word in the English language is "biscuit"; a new game called "Cicada/Secada" is botched by Rupert's revealing of the game-board; Bette Midler promotes The Stepford Wives and discusses the joy of bowling.
- S11E152
Buddy Rice, Christopher Walken, Kid Rock
Jun 9, 2004Dave and Paul have a heated discussion over who would win a fight- "badass" Kid Rock or "nerves of steel" Buddy Rice; during Mailbag, Biff goes to Wisconsin to help out a law student, and ends up smashing a bottle over the kid's head; Dave tries on a racing helmet given to him by 2004 Indy 500 winner Buddy Rice.
- S11E153
Matthew Broderick, Jamie Cullum
Jun 10, 2004In honor of his death earlier that day, Paul and the band performs Ray Charles' "What'd I Say"; Dave sends Matthew Broderick outside to get hosed with water; jazz pianist Jamie Cullum performs "All at Sea."
- S11E154
P. Diddy, Jim Gaffigan
Jun 11, 2004Jim Gaffigan comments on married life and becoming a father for the first time. Also, Paul Anka delivers Paul's cape for this Friday night James Brown homage, then in honor of the retirement of the long-standing gag, performs a parody of "My Way."
- S11E155
Paris Hilton, Patti Scalfa
Jun 14, 2004Dave shows us another photo of Harry; Paris Hilton discusses The Simple Life and her now-infamous sex tape; Patti Scialfa (Mrs. Bruce Springsteen) performs "23rd Street Lullaby."
- S11E156
Ben Stiller, Beastie Boys
Jun 15, 2004To further promote Popeye's Green Beans, Dave and Paul eat Popeye's chicken and give fun facts; Ben Stiller attempts to break windows across the street with a dodge-ball, but ends up falling off the building.
- S11E159
Michael Moore, Jennifer Hawkins, Los Lobos
Jun 18, 2004Michael Moore discusses his infamous speech at the 2003 Oscars and promotes Fahrenheit 9/11; Dave tries on Miss Universe's sash and tiara; Los Lobos performs "Charmed."
- S11E160
Larry Brown, Sean Hayes, Phish
Jun 21, 2004Throughout the night, George Clarke eats fish sticks on the roof to honor a certain band performing on the marquee; for the third night in a row, Dave shows (well-edited) footage of a guy cheating on Jeopardy; Phish performs "Scents and Subtle Sounds" and unwittingly stops traffic in the process.
- S11E161
Kevin Kline, Nicole Richie
Jun 22, 2004Dave announces that he and Paul will be in this weekend's Gay Pride parade; past contestant Jennie Ford plays "Super Trump or Monkey;" Ken Griffey, Jr. presents the Top Ten; Nicole Richie (reality star and adopted daughter to Lionel Richie) tells Dave how she conquered heroin addiction.
- S11E163
Kid Inventors, Shawn Wayans, Secret Machines
Jun 24, 2004During a "New Products" segment, Dave sinks his teeth into some charcoal briquets, which he swallows with mouthwash. Also, The Secret Machines (in their TV debut) perform "Now Here to Nowhere."
- S11E164
Bonnie Hunt, Dylan Moran
Jun 25, 2004"Know Your Current Events" is played for the first time in over six months; Dave spills coffee on his lap, and Paul suggests hydrogen peroxide to clean it off; "Dwight the Troubled Teen" breaks character to remind people not to download illegally.
- S11E165
Piedmont Bird Callers, Kirsten Dunst, Chris Robinson
Jun 28, 2004Dave admits that after spending all weekend watching documentaries about building motorcycles, he wants a hog for himself. At the end of the show, Dave forms a motorcycle "gang" with Paul, Dave Dorsett, and Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes.
- S11E166
Keira Knightly, Joseph Wilson
Jun 29, 2004A husband and wife combo plays the "Late Show Bill Clinton Memoir Challenge," in which they must find the name "Monica" in his new book within thirty seconds. Later, Pat and Kenny recreate Oprah's recent interview with the former president.
- S11E167
Ethan Hawke, Jon Heder
Jun 30, 2004Dave turns on the hose-cam again, shooting water at unsuspecting passersby; during Mailbag, Dave shows footage from the new Spiderman movie (actually the classic 60's cartoon) of Doc Ock torturing Spidey with a clip from the Late Show; Jon Heder promotes Napoleon Dynamite.
- S11E168
Will Ferrell, Dashboard Confessional
Jul 1, 2004Two lumberjacks compete against each other out on 53rd Street, while Will Ferrell shows Dave a home movie of his four-month-old "baby" (a sports car).
- S11E169
Christina Applegate, David Sedaris
Jul 2, 2004The musical talents of Paul, Felecia, and Bruce are laid to waste once more on "Stump the Band"; "Fat Spider-Man" (George Clarke) presents a remote Top Ten; David Sedaris reads an except from his new book, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim.
- S11E170
Kristin Davis, Ali G
Jul 12, 2004In the debut edition of "Where They Would Have Gone For Their Summer Vacation," Biff tells Dave that Charles Bronson would've gone to Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut; Jeopardy! super-contestant Ken Jennings presents the Top Ten; Dave admits to Kristen Davis that he was "watching hard" while viewing Sex & the City reruns on TBS.
- S11E171
Will Smith, Jet
Jul 13, 2004Dave continues to discuss motorcycles; Alan's baseball commentary is interrupted by the return of that guy who used to beat the daylights out of him several years back; to prove some sort of point, Will Smith sticks his butt in Dave's face.
- S11E172
Hilary Duff, Jonathan Ames
Jul 14, 2004Dave compares President Bush to Porky Pig; during Mailbag, a young, fairweather Letterman fan is thrown out of the theater; Hilary Duff promotes A Cinderella Story.
- S11E174
Julianna Marguiles, Bob Sarlatte, Ashlee Simpson
Jul 16, 2004Audience Show & Tell: Dave chats with a meteorologist from Connecticut who was once mentioned on "Know Your Current Events." Also, Dorothy celebrates her 83rd birthday with a Dave stand-in and a refrigerator full of Red Bull and vodka.
- S11E175
Denzel Washington, Jim Rome
Jul 19, 2004Dave gloats over Rahal/Letterman Racing's visit to the White House earlier in the day; three stagehands attempt to smear a camera lens with sunscreen from 90 feet above street level; Denzel Washington promotes The Manchurian Candidate.
- S11E176
Halley Berry, Maria Mena
Jul 20, 2004In honor of the 35th anniversary of the moonwalk, it's time for a new game at Hello Deli called "Would You Like to Plant a Flag on the Moon?" Rupert brings in a contestant from Yukon, Oklahoma, and Dave gives her a hard time about it.
- S11E178
Matt Damon, Carmelo Anthony, The Hives
Jul 22, 2004We watch news footage of Pete Rose's restaurant being looted of everything except a Late Show t-shirt; while addressing the Sandy Berger controversy, Dave unwittingly spits on Tony; The Hives perform "Walk Idiot Walk."
- S11E179
Brittany Murphy, Paula Poundstone
Jul 23, 2004An audience member from Cincinnati suspends a grape in air by blowing on it; Dave comments on Krispy Kreme's new doughnut shake, followed by a fake ad for Burger King's new liquid Whopper; Britney Murphy and Dave pinky-swear; troubled comedienne Paula Poundstone jokes about her time in detox.
- S11E181
John McEnroe, Zach Braff
Jul 27, 2004With the Olympics approaching, Dave reminds the audience that he's on steroids; a standby audience member calls up Regis and tells him to shove it; Biff makes his second report from Boston; Dave scratches his chin in a borderline-offensive manner.
- S11E182
Bob Newhart, 213 with Snoop Dogg
Jul 28, 2004A remarkably ornery Dave attempts to apologize to Regis via telephone but hangs up on him, then answers every question on CBS Mailbag with a resilient "who cares?" Also, Bob Newhart discusses the statue built in honor of him in Chicago and then does a fairly decent impression of Dr. Henry Kissinger.
- S11E183
Natalie Portman, Ambulance LTD
Jul 29, 2004Biff tries unsuccessfully to interview Michael Moore; Natalie Portman talks about sleeping with her dog Charlie; Ambulance Ltd. performs "Primative."
- S11E184
Rosie Perez, Greg Giraldo
Jul 30, 2004Anton (still filling in for Paul) plays "Will It Float?" for the first time; Rosie Perez tells a funny story about an actor who spits when he speaks; Alan Kalter asks Dave to talk about his latest love of his life, then gets beaten up by the women's brother.
- S11E185
Pamela Anderson, Al Franken
Aug 2, 2004The guest chairs are replaced and Dave's desk has been altered; during "Who Asked For It?" an audience member vaporizes himself; Pamela Anderson brags about having sex without dating.
- S11E186
Bill Clinton, Natalie Merchant
Aug 3, 2004Former President Clinton discusses a wide variety of topics with Dave, then signs a copy of his book for Harry. Also, Natalie Merchant performs "Sally Ann."
- S11E187
Tom Cruise, Dax Shepard
Aug 4, 2004Michael Bearden and Anton continue to fill in for Paul, prompting Dave to ask Anton how Paul would respond to some of his comments tonight; during Mailbag, Pat Farmer determines the length of a "New York Minute" but ends up getting robbed and beaten instead; "Tom Ridge" (Gerard) discusses homeland security, then breaks into song; Tom Cruise promotes Collateral.
- S11E188
Gerard Mulligan, Jada Pinkett Smith, Jessica Simpson
Aug 5, 2004Dave bids farewell to longtime writer Gerard Mulligan with a sitdown interview and a clip montage heavy on NBC-era footage.